1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
