My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
