Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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