Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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