so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
