She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
