I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
