all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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