I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
