there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
