I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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