Banned from zoo.
Again?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
