My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
