what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
