I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
