I can't breathe out the right side of my face
false alarm. still invincible.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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