goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I have tasted many bathrooms
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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