we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
