On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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