My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
