Tell her she can't have a vagina
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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