Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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