So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
