Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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