you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Randomize
