i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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