totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
