I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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