omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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