I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
