I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
