For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
