I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
