Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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