He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
