god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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