No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
