I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
