We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
