i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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