ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
