i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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