she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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