Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
