Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
