My friends, they love my intelligence
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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