i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
