I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
