wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
