dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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