True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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