She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
