Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
two words: eviction party
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
