Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
