just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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