She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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