You just made me feel so damn special
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
My breasts were aching with rage.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
