I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
