I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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