Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
