My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize