The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
