My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
