I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
